How to be a better negotiator
[China Glass Network] What if there is a simple way to turn you into a better leader, negotiator, friend or family member? Do you want to try?
Ok, there is such a way. And this method is easier to use (only a few words) - but it is also more difficult to use.
A few years ago, one of my medical management masters, a doctor, asked me to give him some advice on dealing with political issues at work. These political issues involve doctors, nurses, and administrators, each of whom is like Jerry Springer. Shouting at other people like the program. He tried all the leadership and negotiation skills, but all failed, just making the situation more turbulent and tricky.
I suggest that he write these words on the notice sticker and then stick it on a display that he can see but not visible to others, such as a computer monitor.
These words are: "*** Shut up."
Then, when in doubt, look at this notice and do it.
Go back a few months ago. He and other classmates listened to a lecture in the USC's auditorium. There were also many students studying for a master's degree in medical management, as well as some graduates who came back to attend alumni gatherings. In a demo, I asked if anyone could provide some new information that would be useful to others in this room. It was the doctor who raised his hand and said the words with dirty words.
He added: "These words have changed my life."
I don't remember what happened in the next few seconds, but the doctors there said that my face was red and it looked like I had acne (I don't like to swear). I am very happy to say that I don't know what it looks like, but I can imagine my head is swollen and my face is purple. But I still stood there, listening to this sentence containing the vocabulary, and deeply apologized to my mother.
The next thing I remember was that the people in the room - about 100 - grabbed the paper to write the words down. Some people say this is the more important thing they have learned in all training. Remember - this is a group of doctors who are pursuing a master's degree.
Why is this sentence working? Because it interrupts the process known as the "vicious circle," when a person becomes unsettled, they enter an escape or combat mode. As a language creature, we don't lose things (hopefully). Instead, we insult others, argue, stop listening, make things meaningless, and hope to prove that we are right, and others are wrong. This kind of behavior stimulates the defense mentality of others, and conflicts arise.
What happened in Washington? People yell at each other, but they don't listen to what the other person is saying, nor criticize their own opinions. This creates a vicious circle.
What makes people form an island in their work? They convince themselves that they are right, others are wrong, and a vicious circle arises. "Leaders" find that those who are always loyal to compete for their position - we find that the company is always mediocre to gain the upper hand.
How can we jump out of this cycle? You write such a simple word, if you like, you can replace the dirty word inside with "Hell" and follow this sentence.
I have two extra small suggestions for this. First, learn to discover the "attack alert system" in your body. This is a feeling in the body. Whenever there is a variety of self-righteous remarks in your mouth, you should use a higher level of logic to turn it off.
One of my economist friends said that his arm feels hot. If he does not intervene, he will destroy his relationship with others and destroy his reputation in an instant and become a jerk. One of my psychiatrist friends said that she would feel the chest tight (this has nothing to do with her heart). My early warning system is on my head, as if one quarter of my head has turned into a coal mine. When the early warning system occurs, the hair there seems to stand up. When I realized this feeling, then it was only half a second left before I turned into the "Evil Dave" in my colleague's mouth.
When you are aware of this feeling in the body's early warning system, please remember to post the message and do it. You will become a better leader, negotiator, friend, and in the end will get better.
The second suggestion is to send this notice to your elected official in Washington. Stop the vicious circle of debate between them, stop Nation Suck, and get the grand resolution of Thomas Friedman.
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